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Prints on the Sand :: The Savanna Tribes :: The Journey Begins :: Mystic

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Topic: Mystic (Read 127 times)

dreamwind
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Mystic
« Thread Started on Jul 14, 2007, 10:48am »

Name:Mystic

Pronunciation:[Mystik]

Gender: she-cat

Age: 14 suns

Member: Dene Tribe

Appearance:

Mystic is a short haired gray tabby she-cat. She has grayish black stripes.Mystic (also known as misty) is a wonderful hunter because of her soft paws and sharp moves.
She is also a fast and sure footed she-cat. Mystic's beauty is striking. She has golden green eyes.

Base Personality:Mystic is kind and humble.She is strict when necessary. She is a loyal friend.She can be stubborn. Mystic is respectful to her elders, but will speak up at any time if she knows what is right.She is headstrong.

Past:Mystic was born in the Dene tribe and was raised by her mother and father. Mystic had two siblings,her sister and brother who she grew very close too. One day her brother decided he was not comfortable with his tribe. So he moved into the wanderer band where he stayed.Mystic and her sister trained together until both of them became noble warriors. Mystic (after she became a warrior) was respected by all the elders,and soon earned respect from her clan as well.

Role play Example:Mystic beamed with pride. This was the first day she got to go hunting on her own. The other night Mystic had become a warrior, she still could not get over the ecstatic feeling she felt at the moment she became a warrior to now.
Mystic sniffed the air to see if she could scent any pray. Mystic felt her fur tingle with excitement as she scented the fresh smell of mouse. Mystic looked around, she caught sight of a fat mouse sitting beside a berry bush nibbling slowly at a fat berry. Mystic crouched low getting into a pouncing position,in one swift movement Mystic pounced at the mouse and caught it quickly. She picked it up in her mouth and walked back to camp.
(this is the past, right now she has been a warrior for a half a moon)

Codeword: .>not accepted<.

« Last Edit: Jul 18, 2007, 8:19pm by dreamwind »

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x- M.ishka -x
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So then I was like 'Avada Kedavra,' and he was like *dead*

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Re: Sapphirestone
« Reply #1 on Jul 14, 2007, 1:26pm »

Okay, good base bio, but it's going to need a little work

[x]First off, you're going to have to change the name, it can't be a warrior name.

[x] Second, months are suns, not moons.

[x]You need to out each sentence in the description into complete sentences. After that, you need one more sentence ^^

[x]You need to put the segments of her personality into complete sentences also.

[x]"Is a wonderful hunter because of her soft paws and sharp moves.
and
Is a fast and sure footed she-cat."
This would be in her description, not the personality.

[x]Keep her Dene Tribe born in the History. Te Tribes are extremely strict about this and there are only a few rare exceptions. She wouldn't really be respected by elders at only six suns, she would only have just started training.

[x] You need eight sentences for the RP example.

[x] The codeword is incorrect.

Other then this, it's a good start ^^

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Dene Tribe: Gypsy
Azana Tribe: Mishka
Kiho Tribe: Griffin
Wanderers: Rush, Bone
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dreamwind
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Re: Sapphirestone
« Reply #2 on Jul 15, 2007, 9:37am »

Alright I will change it thanks!

I have a Questions first, though:

1. Why can't Sapphirestone be a name??
thats all!

DW

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[D]uskeri
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Re: Sapphirestone
« Reply #3 on Jul 15, 2007, 2:15pm »

Sapphirestone can't be a name because that is a Clan name. On this site, we use tribe names, like Mishka, Griffin, Duskeri, etc. If you decide to let Sapphirestone become a loner, then she may keep that name.

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Duskeri~~Kiho

dreamwind
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Re: Sapphirestone
« Reply #4 on Jul 17, 2007, 4:10pm »

thanks I will modify it now!
sorry about all the mistakes (as you guessed I am terrible at this stuff)!!!

DW (dreamwind)

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[D]uskeri
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Re: Sapphirestone
« Reply #5 on Jul 17, 2007, 4:14pm »

Nah, no one's terrible. My first profiles were horrid. Anyways, just post once you've modified this profile, so we know that you did.

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Duskeri~~Kiho

dreamwind
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Re: Mistic
« Reply #6 on Jul 17, 2007, 5:04pm »

that makes me feel better!!!

here it is, I hope it is ok....

DW (dreamwind)

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x- M.ishka -x
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So then I was like 'Avada Kedavra,' and he was like *dead*

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Re: Mystic
« Reply #7 on Jul 18, 2007, 11:29am »

Good improvements, but you still have a few problems

Based on your previous problems and the current ones, it looks like you don't quite understand the site.

I suggest you check out Here and Here (their links even though the don't look like it.) The first is the terminology and rankings of the Tribes, their fairly different then warriors. The second is the rules where you can find the codeword.

Your problems are just in the History and RP example. ^^ First off, there really aren't any warriors. When you read the Terminology you'll hopefully get a better understanding of the ranks, though they are pretty confusing x3 This will help you modify the section of the History and RP section that mentions warriors to the correct term.

For the RP example, don't use a hunting scene.

Mystic is an interesting name by the way -grins-

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Dene Tribe: Gypsy
Azana Tribe: Mishka
Kiho Tribe: Griffin
Wanderers: Rush, Bone
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dreamwind
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Re: Mystic
« Reply #8 on Jul 18, 2007, 8:18pm »

I am REALLY sorry about all the mistakes......I am used to warrior (the book) websites...............I am going to check out the stuff you said I should check...*goes to check*.
Thanks!
DW

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